two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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