I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
