I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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