Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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