Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
