We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
