my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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