I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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