I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
