I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
