Who wears a wallet chain?!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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