Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Randomize
