new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My ass is underappreciated
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You did what with his pubic hair?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
