I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
