she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
