Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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