just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
