you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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