Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
