Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
