It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
