His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
