saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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