you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
