just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
