I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
