i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
