What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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