I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
