My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
