If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
