The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
