chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Mom said you looked used
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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