I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
