my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
