You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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