there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
