I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
