Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
