I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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