Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
