At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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