Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
