You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
