Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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