guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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