sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
