True but thats because hes a fetus.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
