billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
