Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
