I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
