you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
