you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
