i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
