and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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