is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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